My Home Birth: The Preface

After four consults with different midwives, I had my “full-body yes” when Devyn and I found the right midwifery.

The energy at this center felt welcoming and laid back, something Devyn and I really appreciated. At 36 weeks, I decided to transfer to Rainy City Midwifery and made it a point to begin building connections with their midwives. This was important to me, as I was going to let them into my home (my sanctuary and safe abode). I think it’s important that expecting mothers begin to build trust with their midwives before the birthing experience.

We talked about how the home-birthing process would go and they helped me address my fears of pain. That was the part of home births that I felt very anxious about. How do I deal with the intense pain? In the past, I tried to go unmedicated. At 7 cm (and not progressing much after), I begged for an epidural.

One by one, I told each person on my birth team how I wanted to allow myself to scream, yell, and curse and call in that Kali-Ma energy. There’s this side of me that still feels hidden — a part of me that feels shame around my anger and aggression. My birth team all reassured me that all parts of me were welcomed — the raw and the real. When I heard this, I felt seen and even more excited that I could show up however I please behind my own walls and solidified my choice with Rainy City Midwifery.

To what may be a surprise, my doula shared that gentle birthing was actually a patriarchal construct — that old-birthing ways were untamed, and it was natural to be primal. It so seemed my body knew what she was doing. It was just my mind that needed to make space to welcome it all.

All photos on film by Rachel Koszka (themoodydoula)